Testostrogen (Older Post - 2008 - recopied here)

Testostrogen

Realizing full well that entering the gender minefield usually leaves one bloodied and bowed I nonetheless will rush headlong into a dialogue that somewhat crystallized for me when I attended the Pennsylvania Governor’s Conference for Women in early October of this year. This dialogue has been rumbling about in my head for roughly, oh…33 years, when in the summer before 8th grade girls began to breakthrough my formerly impenetrable wall of sports, TV and food (primarily of the chocolate variety) that had been the primary focus of my life up and they progressed from being really, really annoying to extremely, extremely interesting.

Hormones played a role of course – the testosterone levels in 13 year-old boys tend to rise around this age but there was more than pure lust at play here. I was raised by a single mother who devoted much of her life to civil and in particular, women’s rights, and made damn well sure I was aware of each from an early age. In addition, I was frequently set straight by an indomitable matriarchal grandmother, surrounded by 3 activist aunts and hopelessly outmaneuvered by three younger sisters. Women played the central roles in my upbringing. One that continues as I have been both strengthened and humbled by my wife and best friend for 26 years and basically flummoxed by two, let’s just say headstrong, daughters. This resume also includes the countless strong, articulate and intelligent women I’ve been fortunate enough to have as colleagues my entire career. The notion of men and women treating each other with respect, intelligence and on equal ground was the overarching belief. That doesn’t mean I’m immune to bias – we all fall prey on occasion but the foundation for not letting a person’s gender predetermine qualification or contribution is the tenet guiding me.

All of which is why the impression I had when I walked out the door at the end of a day spent as one of roughly 6 men in a sea of 4000 women has been troubling me for weeks. I knew I wanted to write about this gnawing realization I that day as I think it’s entirely creatively relevant for our business - not too mention maybe personal growth - but I’ve struggled mightily about how to articulate what I experienced without coming across as at best patronizing and at worst misogynistic. Both labels having been applied when I judiciously showed first drafts of this article to several women I know and neither epithet is one I ever want to be branded as – from a business, personal and, you know, human perspective.

As my mother demanded when I would sputter through one of my several adolescent confessions about breaking this, that or the other thing or maybe the one or two times I may – never proven – have dispensed unwarranted torment to one of my sisters - “Out with it already!” she would demand, “it can’t be that bad.” (my punishments often proved otherwise). Anyway – here goes.

Where were the men?

What does a conference whose stated goal – at least from the Governor himself - (which is ironic in it’s own right) is for women to “share ideas, forge new relationships and gain the tools needed to tackle challenges” really do for women – in terms of advancing the ideal of gender equity - if it doesn’t include dialogue from and with men? The Pennsylvania Commission for Women states that the conference is designed to “provide opportunities to empower women and girls to reach their highest potential”. Both of these goals are laudable and at the same time it’s lamentable that these goals and opportunities aren’t naturally more part of everyday life. We culturally divide the sexes more often than we combine them.

It’s the wisdom of crowds premise. Better solutions come from more diverse thought, information and opinion. The argument forming in my brain – and hey, I could be wrong, this is simply a dialogue worth exploring - is that a conference that lacks the diversity of both genders misses the creativity, inclusion and perspectives ultimately necessary to empower women to reach their “highest potential”.

I realize the conference was designed for both personal and professional growth and I am really only focusing on the professional discussions – although there was certainly illuminating perspectives for me in listening to some of the personal dialogue. I don’t deny that many of the attendees that day were provided with great information, inspiring ideas and valuable networking opportunities – with other women. The world doesn’t – at least shouldn’t - work that way though. We both inhabit the same environments. Too often men still dominate these environs and we need to share them more equitably. One of the ways to do that would be to make sure men hear the issues I heard discussed that day and conversely women need to hear what men are thinking.

Some of the arguments I’ve heard as I’ve discussed this is that the conference is for women because women won’t discuss as freely what’s on their minds if men are present. Men tend to – generally speaking – dominate discussions more often based on more aggressive natures and simply practice. Also, studies have also shown that girls and women tend to learn better in all female environments. While all of this has been true I think you have to consider that those things are so because we haven’t fully and honestly engaged more often in what I would call inclusion dialogue. And when women only engage one side in a debate, argument or discussion, then they fall prey to the very same failings men have exhibited for years.

Would that kind of conference be uncomfortable? You betcha. Being uncomfortable tends to be one of my favorite sensations, not because the tactile experience is all that enjoyable but rather because it initiates better dialogue within my own brain. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of comfort as well – too much of it though leads to complacency, which in my industry – as in most - is a death sentence. Being uncomfortable tends to spark action. Hell, I’m uncomfortable writing this article.

One of the more salient points made during the conference that I would hope more people would adopt was the one that Ariane de Bonvoisin (CEO and Founder of First30Days) made about how we make, or don’t make, changes in our lives. She relayed a conversation she had with a good friend of hers where she had launched into one of her frequent diatribes at that time about the failings of the men in New York City. Her friend stopped her in mid diatribe and said “You need to get a new story.” I took it to mean if you’re really going to change yours and other’s perceptions you need to explore other avenues of expression.

Barack Obama was just elected President – in my mind one of the top five seminal moments in this county’s history. It doesn’t change the fact that there are serious racial divides still present – but it does allow us to begin a new story. Similar thinking should be applied to gender equity by fostering more dialogue about gender issues that includes both.